Top 10 Ways To Keep The Romance Alive This Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is almost here. If you're struggling to find a way to show that special someone just how much you care, remember: sometimes the best gift doesn't come wrapped in a bow. Follow these tips to really make them swoon.

  1. Four words: two toilets, one bathroom.
  2. Have a baby! Nothing else brings two people closer together before it pushes them really, really far apart.
  3. Show them how responsible you are by keeping a box of Plan B in your medicine cabinet.
  4. Lots and lots of perfume; if the pheromones don't get them to notice you, the allergen-induced asthma attack surely will.
  5. Forget those cliché greeting cards – make your boo a coupon book promising a nice massage or even an evening without dishes. Don’t have the time or the construction paper? Pick up some coupons from Walgreens, cut them out, and staple them together. They’ll appreciate the romantic gift, and you’ll appreciate the savings.
  6. Never forget the ABCs of being a good little wifey: Always Be Cooking.
  7. Turn alone time into cell phone time; there's nothing s/he has to say that can't wait until after you've finished that game of Candy Crush.
  8. Variety is the spice of life, so always keep your genitals well-seasoned with paprika and oregano. 
  9. Never underestimate the power of those three little words: it's not contagious.
  10. Everyone gets roses – gross! Instead of doing the same ol’ flower year after year, abide by this popular adage: men are from mars, and women love a Venus fly trap. Nothing says “I love you” quite like a carnivorous plant, and your home will finally be pest free!

10 Life Hacks To Save The Planet – And Your Budget

Whether you admire them up close or from afar, leaving 100% natural love notes in unexpected places will let your s.o. know how much you care about them – and the planet.

Whether you admire them up close or from afar, leaving 100% natural love notes in unexpected places will let your s.o. know how much you care about them – and the planet.

  1. Why pay for a skywriter and waste precious fossil fuels, when everything you need to surprise your boo is in your laundry room? Save lint from your dryer and use it to spell out meaningful messages for your significant other. Don't have a bae? Spend your lonely nights knitting that lint into a sweater. Goodness knows you'll need something to keep you warm on those cold winter nights.

  2. When it comes to bathroom savings, you've heard the expression "if it's yellow, stay mellow; if it's brown, send it down"? What a wasteful maxim! Try this one instead: “one flush a week yields the savings you seek!"

  3. It actually takes more energy to turn your television off and on twice, than it does to keep it on all day long. So go ahead – Netflix and chill your life away.

  4. Is your refrigerator running? If it is, you better go catch it – and then unplug it. These massive appliances are huge energy wasters. Unplug it today, and save tomorrow. 

  5. Think those small animals powering electronics on The Flintstones are the stuff of Hanna-Barbera science fiction? Think again! With the help of God’s creatures, lighting up your home is as simple at 1, 2, 3! 

    1. Head to your nearest pet store, purchase thousands of hamsters, cages, cedar chips, water bottles, food and hamster wheels.

    2. Stop by the hardware store on your way home, and stock up on tiny helmets and electrodes.

    3. Watch episodes of Beakman's World for helpful "how-to" tutorials.

    4. Set up your home system, and let science do the rest! 

  6. Don't throw out expired foods! Donate them to your local shelter, and write off the expense. Everybody wins! 

  7. Stop spitting money – and precious resources – down the drain. The next time you brush your teeth, save your spittle in a bottle. You'll save a "mint" when you use it as a minty-fresh mouthwash later. 

  8. Turn your love of online shopping into a discounted trip overseas – no passport required! Simply save your Amazon boxes over the course of a year, and then tape them altogether to form one giant box. Poke a few air holes, step inside, and ask a friend to add a stamp and drop you off at your nearest post office. You'll be in Costa Rica in 2-14 weeks for just the cost of a single Forever stamp!

  9. If your pantry is overloaded with an excess of grocery bags, and you're stressing about how to afford that carrier for your new baby, fret no more. Any bag with handles makes a great carrying case for kids six and under! Paper or plastic? You be the judge! 

  10. Stop throwing your cat litter out with the rest of the garbage. If you live in a climate that has a cold season, save your used litter throughout the year – and use it on icy surfaces in the winter. Not only will it add some much needed traction, but the clumps will help cushion you in the event of a fall. 

  11. Whether you have a child in diapers or know someone who does, don't let those old newspapers go to waste. Bird owners use them to line their cages for a reason. This super absorbent material might be a little rough on baby's bottom, but it'll be gentle on your budget.

These Child Actors Grew Up

Think your favorite child actors are frozen in time? Think again! It doesn’t matter how many times you rewatch Goonies or Jerry Macguire, chances are most – if not all – of those adorable young faces are all grown up. Don’t believe us? Check out this recap of some of Hollywood’s most precious younglings.

Harry Potter
Think this boy wizard has the elixir of life? Think again, dummy! The sorcerer's stone was destroyed years ago and, with it, Harry Potter's chance of eternal youth.

 

 

Kevin McCallister
This is my childhood, and I have to defend it. But watching the film every year won't keep Kevin, or you, from growing up. Or haven’t you seen Home Alone 2?

 

 

Punky Brewster
It’s true, reader. Punky Brewster betrayed your trust and eventually got her period. Grodie! 

 

 

 

 

Data
Think Data is still a kid just because you watched Goonies last night? That does not compute.

 

 

 

 

Little Girl in E.T.
Nobody knows what this girl’s name is in real life, but chances are she eventually flashed her chest on late night T.V. because – guess what – sources estimate E.T. was released more than 15 years ago!

 

 

 

Michelle Tanner
The only bombshell bigger than realizing little Michelle couldn’t stay little forever is learning that the show’s producers actually had two actresses playing her. Can you believe that?!

 

 

 

Kevin Arnold
There’s no way of knowing what this kid from Wonder Years is up to now, but we bet he's somehow stuck in the daily grind.

 

 

 

 

Baby Sinclair
I don’t know what you learned in school, but even baby dinosaurs grow up eventually. Rumor has it Baby Sinclair now owns and operates a chain of gas stations across the western half of the U.S. If that's not proof that he's "not the baby" any more, we don't know what is.

 

 

Gizmo
If you thought this little guy looked hideous when he was fed after midnight, you should see him now!

 

 

 

Maggie Simpson
Even this adorable doll has to grow up eventually. Right?

The Best Months of 2015

You’ve asked for it, and now here it is – the most anticipated “Best Of” list of 2015 (listed in order of preference).

January
We don’t remember much about this month, so it must’ve been good.

February
We remember only a little more about February. Four stars?

March
In like a lion, out like a lamb, March usually typifies the transition from winter to spring, and it probably did this past year as well. Who can remember? It feels like it was months ago.

April
In French, “April” is “Avril,” which is quite pretty and is also the name of world-famous rock star, Avril Ravine.

May
Oh, man, remember that Cinco party? How was it? I wasn't invited.

June
My cat got herpes. It was all downhill from there.

July
Christmas in July was a bust. Didn’t get a single card.

August
No prize in cereal box; had to collect UPCs over the series of weeks and send them all in at once. Lame.

September
Threw a party. Only my mom came.

October
I don’t even want to talk about it.

December
Star Wars Episode 7 and Christmas in the same month?! The only reason this month isn't coming in first: neither event has happened yet, and there's a good chance both could be huge disappointments. Remember Jar Jar?

November
Trump said a lot of stupid stuff and his numbers soared despite those things. Even worse: I found a hair in my Thanksgiving dinner. Dead last for this dead beat month.

Holiday GIF Guide

Hanukkah is almost over and Christmas is just two weeks away. If you haven't finished your holiday shopping yet, don't stress out. This holiday GIF guide will help you find what you need for everyone on your list.

Invited to a white elephant GIF exchange? Don't show up empty-handed.

This is one of our most expensive GIFs, but if you really love them - it's worth it!

For the cat lady on your list, young or old, this is the GIF that keeps on GIFing.

This festive GIF will help even the most depressed souls forget how sad they are on Christmas day.

Diamonds are every girl's best friend - no exceptions!

The gizmo-lovers in your life are going to rock around the Christmas tree when they unwrap this holiday GIF.

There's no better GIF than the GIF of friendship.

Freedom makes the perfect GIF for the right "wing"-ers on your list.

Friends or family disappointed by Episode 7? Keep this GIF if your back pocket just for them.

Not sure what to get someone? Remember, everyone needs socks!

We're not kidding. EVERYONE wants socks. What are you waiting for?